The Death of Renji Abarai
by Kuchikiwraith
Summary: <html><head></head>When Byakuya ends up on the reciving end of a prank meant for Ichigo, Renji fears for his life. one shot, no pairings.</html>


**An: three am, a sugar high and boredom rarely leads to good things, such as the one shot below. this story takes place sometime after Aizen's imprisonment and before the new arc. May or may not have it be part of my other story.**

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><p><em>Drip. Drip drip.<em> The office of squad six was dead silent as the electric blue paint flowed down the shoulders of the man in the doorway in rivulets to drip on to the floor. Renji Abarai was too shocked to move, but the other officers quickly fled the scene silently as possible. No one wanted to face Captain Byakuya Kuchiki once he removed the wooden bucket from his head. Renji gulped and didn't move one inch, knowing that running would only make his punishment worse. As his formidable captain reached up to remove the bucket from his head, Renji remembered what had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

**sixteen fateful hours earlier**

"_Reeeeennnjjjjiiiii, I'm soooo bored! Hurry up and finish that report!" Renji sighed and stared at the ceiling as Rangiku Matsumoto lay across the top of his desk on her back so that her impressive cleavage loomed an inch from his nose. "I can't do anything if you lay on top of my work, Rangiku-san." He pointed out, not looking at her. With an unhappy whine, she got off the desk and leaned against the wall, fiddling with her scarf while she waited for him. The instant he set down the brush, Rangiku pounced on Renji and hauled him to his feet. "You're done, let's go. We have a drinking game to go play! She said, bouncing in place when he pulled his arm from hers. "I have to put those reports on the Captains desk and-" Rangiku grabbed the poor, unsuspecting Rikichi by the back of his kosodo. "Take care of your lieutenant's work!" she barked at the guy. Renji sweatdropped. Sometimes Rangiku was scarier then Captain Unohana. _

_Rangiku hauled him bodily towards her favorite sake bar and shoved him into a seat. Three hours later, Renji and Rangiku were laughing at a very drunk Isane attempted to dance on a table. They clung to each other, swaying in their seats. Several unseated shinigami attempted to grab the fourth division lieutenant from the table for a private dance- Renji leaped across the table and started a brawl. Needless to say, they were promptly kicked out of the bar for the evening. _

_As Isane, who had sobered quickly after being grabbed at healed Renji's wounds in an alley near the bar, Rangiku giggled helplessly as she remembered the fight. "I bet that bastard Ichigo never has to deal with this shit." Renji muttered. "Isn't he coming tomorrow so he can practice with the squad eleven guys?" Rangiku remarked between giggles. A slow smile spread across Renji's face. "Yeah, and he's stopping by the office to get me." An evil plan formed in Renji's mind then, and as soon as Isane let him go he put it into action._

**the next morning**

Byakuya closed his eyes in annoyance. Renji had started a brawl the previous evening so big that that it had taken a quarter of squad four to take care of the injuries. Captain Unohana was smiling pleasantly as she made her report, but every captain at the meeting refused to look at her. She was very upset that her lieutenant had nearly gotten hurt. Byakuya listened with one ear to the reports being made as he planned Renji's punishment. The boy either had to learn how to hold his liquor, or he had to not drink. After the meeting adjourned, Captain Unohana touched his arm to prevent him from leaving.

**Squad six office, two hours later**

Byakuya grinned evilly inside the bucket as his officers deserted the building. Unohana had told him that Isane had overheard Renji's plan to play a prank on the Kurosaki moron and Byakuya had decided it would be benifital to Renji's life if Kurosaki didn't fall for it. He slowly removed the bucket from his head and handed it to his very pale lieutenant. "Renji Abarai." He stated in a cold of tone as he could muster, pleased when Renji flinched.

Renji was relieved to see the expressionless look on his captain's face. *Maybe he won't go third level Bankai release on me.* he thought hopefully- until the captain spoke his full name. *I'm screwed.* he thought in panic. "Yes captain Kuchiki?" he ventured after a moment. "I was to attend dinner with my sister at Orihime Inoue's house. However, she was sent on a mission just now and I obviously cannot attend. You will go in our place and make the appropriate apologies after you clean up this mess." Renji paled. *I'm not screwed, I'm a dead man.* he whimpered mentally. "Yes captain Kuchiki." He said sickly. Orihime's cooking was legendary even in the shinigami world- and not the good kind of legendary either. Byakuya nearly laughed when Renji's face went even whiter than his scarf, which he'd given to Unohana for safe keeping. He hopped Renji learned something from this. He smirked as Renji began woodenly cleaning up the paint.

As he cleaned, Renji swore on Zabimaru to never ever touch sake again.


End file.
